Acting on Impulse

Someone once shared with me the difference between being intuitive and being impulsive. Intuition comes from a place of wisdom and grounded-ness (is that a word?), whereas impulse tends to be associated with instability. Acting upon either can be an on-the-spot choice, so the time taken from thought to action is not necessarily a factor in differentiating the two. To me, it is the energy surrounding the choice that must be most closely observed. If the energy is fearful, jumpy and overly attached, that is a red-flag for impulse, and one perhaps should press the "pause" button on the action and ask the simple question "what is this?" The other, is a calm, present choice, which is less attached to the outcome. Obviously, one can hold great negative repercussions, yet the other is merely a participation in the flow of life. Intuition is saying yes to yourself and life, and impulse can be running away from it.

Today, I dyed my hair on a whim, and cut it as well. A dark brown with an asymmetrical fringe was the image I had in store for myself, so I went to my nearest Whole Foods and picked up some natural hair dye and got started. I'm pleased with my results, and I had fun doing it. So it was a successful impulse. Or instinct? I knew I needed to do it, and I was perfectly okay if it turned out less than stellar, so I'm going to bestow the intuition label on today's adventure. I had wanted to cut my own hair for awhile, just to see if I could, and on my color journey, I'd been blonde, blonde with vibrant red, blonde with brown, dark red, and had been itching for the brunette version of me to get a chance to shine. I had a little hair adventure, and took a little chance.

Another quick decision I made today was to record a short video of me singing and put it on YouTube. A few days ago, I watched this lovely independent film called "Room in Rome"-about two women from opposite ends of Europe who meet as strangers in Rome and become lovers for an evening. There is a song that weaves throughout the film, called "Loving Strangers" by Russian Red (a band that I've subsequently become enthralled with), which is enchanting. I created a quicker ukulele version, and sang it to myself, and made a quick photobooth recording...which I then decided to post on my YouTube channel.

I did it quickly, without too much consideration.

Why?

Because I'm a perfectionist, and am not a spectacular singer or musician. I'm mediocre, but love music. Ever since I was a teenager, I've feared public singing, and have found myself short of breath and unable to perform in most public settings. When I've tried, most of the time I'm so nervous that I certainly don't do myself justice. Today, I didn't post the video because I thought I was amazing, I posted because I shouldn't have to wait until I'm perfect to do things that I want to do.

This is a mantra for me, and a lesson I've struggled to learn in life. I don't have to be ten pounds thinner to wear the shorts I want to wear, or to go to that party with those people I like. Nobody cares if I'm perfect-because I'm not supposed to be a professional singer. I'm just a girl who likes to play around with various art forms, and enjoys sharing that play with others, to inspire and encourage them to let their guards down, too.

When I am okay with myself as I am, own whatever I am, then I not only make myself comfortable, I put others at ease, too. That's what today was really about. So what may, on the surface, seem like an impulse that I may later regret, actually comes from a place of consideration, and a deeper sense of connection. Most of all, it is a statement of freedom, a declaration that if I can do these things that feel a little unorthodox, messy, fun, and vibrant, you can too.

Participation in life breeds more of it. When we watch people let go, and live fully, we too, feel that sense of permission to do the same.