When It Hurts

Right now, I'm in an uncomfortable place. I won't go into details, but each day, I must wake up to circumstances that aren't in any way my ideal. In fact, if I'm honest, I feel as if my life has suffered an earthquake.

Now, my tasks are to accept the circumstances and rebuild. I suppose there's no coincidence that Phoenixes are drawing my attention as of late.

Even though I'm searching for the positive, I cannot deny the pain. The sorrow and the struggle are real. Denying that isn't helpful; healing can only fully occur when the feelings about tough situations are processed. However, there is an interesting dynamic between acceptance and indulgence. There's a fine line between allowing myself to feel the sorrow, and becoming entangled and crippled by it. Often, when I'm weighed down by the sorrow, I neglect my self-care. It becomes a vicious cycle.

To my understanding, all people have one or multiple times in their lives like this. It's a comfort to know that I am simply having a human experience, and I'm trying to gain perspective from it and grow. Sometimes, our hardships induct us into this "I'm alive" club, where we can participate more fully in communities and relationships because we understand more personally the nature of suffering. But that's the epilogue, that's the final result of living a tragedy, not the experience of it. What of the present moment? What of living during our hardships?

In the past, I was the type of person who couldn't tolerate being uncomfortable. Any uncertainty or unpleasantness was something avoided, numbed, put aside. Of course, without the full experience of the negative, there's an equally muted experience of the positive. It's a death-trap. Or if that's too dramatic for you, it's a not-as-alive-as-possible trap.

Today, I have more awareness. I will allow myself to tolerate and hold the feelings. Sometimes, I am proud of my ability to navigate difficult emotions gracefully, but now that life has unexpectedly turned a corner, I am reminded of the person who wants to avoid the crap stuff and get to the good stuff. Except that I know it doesn't work that way.

So, I pose a challenge to myself, and anyone else who reads this post. Tomorrow, my circumstances won't be different, but my focus can be. I can wake up, and my first thought can be how hard it will be to wade through all of these obstacles, or I can choose to find something, anything, life-affirming.

Setting an intention can be trite, but hey, if it works, it works. Tomorrow, I will do something kind for myself. Most likely, the kindness won't bring a sensation of elation or extreme vitality, but it may bring some relief. What I need to remember is that this won't last forever, and if I can hold steady and take care of myself in the process, I will have done all that I really need to do.

And that goes for you, too! Get through it, take care of yourself, tolerate it, and it will pass. All trying times pass, if you do what you need to do during them. Even when what we need to do gives us no temporary relief.

Inaugural Video!

The start of my new YouTube journey, documenting this transition phase in which I find myself. Life can be very uncomfortable, and sometimes each of us must find a way to make something positive. Perhaps this blog/vlog combo will be just that!